5 Ways to Hurt Your Wife & Damage Your Marriage

I recently read a short article on the five ways wives were destroying their husbands and marriage and recognized that the points were concise and unarguably accurate. I appreciated the wisdom contained within a few hundred words but was dismayed that no correlating article existed for husbands that might also be unaware of behaviors destroying their marriages.

Though men might appreciate the insights below a little more if they came from a man, I hope they will be well received from me, as I believe they offer a sneak peek into the minds and hearts of many women. Though lists like these are never comprehensive, I know you’ll agree the five behaviors below are worth consideration as they are sure to hurt your wife and your marriage:

1)      Sparse Communication. I once heard Jimmy Evans say that a woman’s need for communication is as great as a man’s need for sex.  While the need for communication varies from woman to woman, as does the need for sex for a man, there’s no denying it is an important means of connecting with your wife.

Most women are talkers, and they like to interact with words. Open communication breeds trust; trust produces intimacy. I realize some men are more loquacious than others.  I have a friend who says her husband actually talks too much; interestingly enough, however, they have a great sex life!

So those of you men who are by nature quiet, non-verbal communicators need to learn how to talk—really talk—to your wives. You’ll find it’s worth the effort.

2)      Few Emotions. Your wife needs to see emotions other than anger and frustration. Let’s face it: most of us are drawn to happy people, and your wife is no exception.

She needs to see you smile; she needs to see you laugh; she needs to see excitement on your face for something other than a sporting event. The idea that women perceive men who cry as weak is ridiculous. I’ve only seen my husband cry once, and I was more attracted to him then than ever.

3)      Lack of Romance & Touching. While romance doesn’t have to resemble the overkill often shown in movies, it cannot be non-existent. Flowers, Candy, Love Notes, Surprise Gifts, and Sweet Phone Calls—there are dozens of ways to be romantic, and your wife will enjoy every one.

In addition, she needs non-sexual touching. Every person on this planet has a primary and secondary love language, and for some women touching is not even in the top three. However, if the only time you touch your wife is to cue sexual desire, she’ll begin to dread your touch.

Believe it or not, men, you can hold your wife’s hand, kiss her cheek, stroke her hair, and massage her back without any ulterior motives! She needs to know you care about her and non-sexual touching is an important part of the message.

4)      Putting Your Career First. Wives get hammered for putting the needs of their children before the needs of their husbands, yet husbands often do the same with their careers. It’s understandable, really. Many women spend the majority of their waking hours in the presence of their children, while many men spend most of their daylight hours at their jobs.   (I realize there are role reversals and two-income families, but that’s not the focus here).

The fact is that wives often build unhealthy relationships with their children because kids are the most demanding, and likewise men give all their energy to their jobs because they feel the pressure to provide.  It’s the old, “squeaky wheel gets the grease” adage.  At home, you must turn off career-mode and focus on your wife with the same (or greater) intensity as you do your job.

5)      Expecting She Will Save the Marriage.  Marriage is work.  It is.  And yet, many of us exert effort to better our lives while leaving our marriages to flop around unattended.  Eventually, husband and wife grow apart, and another sacred union bites the dust.

We all know that for any relationship to work, both parties must be fully engaged. The sooner you realize that effort is required on your part, the better.

Years of neglect produce wounds that fester with bitterness and damage that is difficult to undo.  When emotions run high, issues are harder to resolve.  A man that is proactive about making his marriage thrive will be noticed by his wife, and she will likely respond in kind.

 

Did you enjoy this post? Also read “5 Truths for Frustrated Christians”– http://lisajenkinsmoore.com/uncategorized/5-truths-frustrated-christians/

 

 

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28 Comments

  1. Great words and so true! I care and do things for my wife in so many ways, but I don’t receive any of the same treatment. I’m considerate of her well being. I don’t do things out of expectation, but I do them to make her happy and it’s how I am. Funny, I just realized it hasn’t always bee this way!

    • Jimmy, thank you for reading. I’m glad you found value in the article. I know it’s hard to keep giving without return, but you are sowing good seeds and will one day reap a harvest! Hope you have a very, Merry Christmas!

  2. Thank you for your insight on marriage. I based mine on the 5 love languages and we are slowly falling apart. Some of the examples are point on and need to be addressed. I truly pray that the couples that need this are drawn to it with hope. Please keep doing what your doing I know you are changing lives.

    • Heath, thank you for reading and for your encouraging words. Marriage is a true gift from God and something the enemy hates, so it can be a fight to stay together. Love is something the Scripture tells us to “put on” and I must remind myself of this daily! 🙂 Let’s continue to pray for marriages world wide.

  3. Hi Lisa,

    Just wanted to say thanks for this great piece. There is a reason #1 is where it is. It’s certainly one of the things I’ve had challenges with.

    Keep up the good work!

    Jason

  4. Hi Lisa,

    Thanks for a great article directed at us married men. It’s right on and I believe all us married guys will do well to read it, which is why I just reposted the link to it on my Facebook page. God bless you!

    Pastor Ken

    • Gigi, you might be encouraged to know that thus far over half of the readers of this article have been men! Perhaps they will be both stirred and changed as many of us women have by similar articles. Thanks for reading and sharing!

    • I love that prayer and I will agree with you, Rebecca. May the article be used to bring revelation, realization (or as I like to use my coined word “revelization”) and healing to marriages around the world!

  5. Thank you for writing this,
    Unfortunately it could be a play by play of my marriage right now! Crazy as it sounds this has validated things for me. I know I’m not “overreacting or imagining” things…. these ARE real issues, & I’m not alone. Now if I can just get him to read this 🙂

    • Adrianna, Thank you for reading. I’m so glad you found value in the article and I, like you, hope he will read it! Relationships are difficult but when both people are committed to the effort they can be wonderful! I wish you the best.

  6. Great read, well done. Great way to capture “this is not a one way street”. You have said what many women cannot “aloud” All women should share this link with all the females they know who then should share with all males they know married or not. Some of them are bound to “get it” and share in his circle!

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