I recently read a short article on the five ways wives were destroying their husbands and marriage and recognized that the points were concise and unarguably accurate. I appreciated the wisdom contained within a few hundred words but was dismayed that no correlating article existed for husbands that might also be unaware of behaviors destroying their marriages.
Though men might appreciate the insights below a little more if they came from a man, I hope they will be well received from me, as I believe they offer a sneak peek into the minds and hearts of many women. Though lists like these are never comprehensive, I know you’ll agree the five behaviors below are worth consideration as they are sure to hurt your wife and your marriage:
1) Sparse Communication. I once heard Jimmy Evans say that a woman’s need for communication is as great as a man’s need for sex. While the need for communication varies from woman to woman, as does the need for sex for a man, there’s no denying it is an important means of connecting with your wife.
Most women are talkers, and they like to interact with words. Open communication breeds trust; trust produces intimacy. I realize some men are more loquacious than others. I have a friend who says her husband actually talks too much; interestingly enough, however, they have a great sex life!
So those of you men who are by nature quiet, non-verbal communicators need to learn how to talk—really talk—to your wives. You’ll find it’s worth the effort.
2) Few Emotions. Your wife needs to see emotions other than anger and frustration. Let’s face it: most of us are drawn to happy people, and your wife is no exception.
She needs to see you smile; she needs to see you laugh; she needs to see excitement on your face for something other than a sporting event. The idea that women perceive men who cry as weak is ridiculous. I’ve only seen my husband cry once, and I was more attracted to him then than ever.
3) Lack of Romance & Touching. While romance doesn’t have to resemble the overkill often shown in movies, it cannot be non-existent. Flowers, Candy, Love Notes, Surprise Gifts, and Sweet Phone Calls—there are dozens of ways to be romantic, and your wife will enjoy every one.
In addition, she needs non-sexual touching. Every person on this planet has a primary and secondary love language, and for some women touching is not even in the top three. However, if the only time you touch your wife is to cue sexual desire, she’ll begin to dread your touch.
Believe it or not, men, you can hold your wife’s hand, kiss her cheek, stroke her hair, and massage her back without any ulterior motives! She needs to know you care about her and non-sexual touching is an important part of the message.
4) Putting Your Career First. Wives get hammered for putting the needs of their children before the needs of their husbands, yet husbands often do the same with their careers. It’s understandable, really. Many women spend the majority of their waking hours in the presence of their children, while many men spend most of their daylight hours at their jobs. (I realize there are role reversals and two-income families, but that’s not the focus here).
The fact is that wives often build unhealthy relationships with their children because kids are the most demanding, and likewise men give all their energy to their jobs because they feel the pressure to provide. It’s the old, “squeaky wheel gets the grease” adage. At home, you must turn off career-mode and focus on your wife with the same (or greater) intensity as you do your job.
5) Expecting She Will Save the Marriage. Marriage is work. It is. And yet, many of us exert effort to better our lives while leaving our marriages to flop around unattended. Eventually, husband and wife grow apart, and another sacred union bites the dust.
We all know that for any relationship to work, both parties must be fully engaged. The sooner you realize that effort is required on your part, the better.
Years of neglect produce wounds that fester with bitterness and damage that is difficult to undo. When emotions run high, issues are harder to resolve. A man that is proactive about making his marriage thrive will be noticed by his wife, and she will likely respond in kind.
Did you enjoy this post? Also read “5 Truths for Frustrated Christians”– http://lisajenkinsmoore.com/uncategorized/5-truths-frustrated-christians/
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